Hey there fella, put down that razor! It’s time to abandon cultural dignity, find your dormant masculinity, and display it to the world via follicular prowess!
This Third Friday, March 19th, TBAG is hosting a MOUSTACHE RIDE. A true ‘handlebar’ happy hour, if you will.
“Golly,” You exclaim, “what is a Moustache Ride and how does one participate?”
You’ll need only 2 things: A bike and a glorious moustache.
“Well, I’ve seen moustaches before,” You say, “but how on earth does one obtain such a thing?”
It’s all in these very easy steps:
1. Starting Monday, March 1, abandon shaving.
2. Once your upper lip begins to show signs of growth, you may resume your normal routine, but be sure to leave the area under your nose untouched.
3. Around the middle of March, you may begin to experience a certain feeling of machismo – do not be scared, but embrace this feeling and flaunt it openly to those around you.
4. By and as of the 19th, your face should be clean of any hair about the chin and cheeks, saving only the island upon your upper lip.
5. At 7:30 p.m. we RIDE, and you’ll be able to demonstrate your newly assumed confidence, virility, strength, and all the rest that come attached to the most manly of facial adornments.
Need encouragement? Instructions? Examples of handsomeness? Check out Mustache March, for one, and of course the precedent set by world class men-among-men such as Robert Goulet, Frank Zappa, Wilford Brimley, Yanni, Dr. Phil, and of course Tom Selleck.
Ladies… You are not left out! Please, join us on this ride. You’ll be offered a variety of quite natural looking and classy fake moustaches from which to choose! Come early for best selection, but have no fear, we shall not run out. You’ll be so surprised and at ease after only a few minutes of sporting your new lip buddy, that you may well choose to retain it for daily use.
The Ride meets, as always, at Tempe Beach Park, Rio Salado & Mill at 7:00 p.m., rolls at 7:30.
Ready? Let’s get started, shall we?